SAM (small) | Leggings: Commando (small) | Boots: Miloh |On Nate: Coat: Zara | Pants: Zara | Sneakers: Vans
When I found out I was pregnant with Sasha, I went down a crazy rabbit hole of googling things like “what is it like transitioning from 1 kid to 2?!” I was so scared. So nervous. Excited, but more than anything, I didn’t know how all of us would handle it.
I was panicked over many things, big and small. I worried about the logistics of a baby and a toddler sharing a room. When I shared these room sharing plans on instastories, I actually had one woman DM me and say “Wait. they’re going to be sharing a room?! Are you sure that’s a good idea?!” Like she was a family member and had a say in the matter.
I worried about our family dynamic. I worried about my relationship with Keith. I worried about my relationship with Nate. I worried about Nate’s relationship with his sibling. I worried about space or lack there of. I worried about never sleeping. So much worrying.
The reality is, having a child is an enormous decision. Having a second (or third, or fourth, etc…) child is an equally a huge decision. I knew that things were going to change and I was worried (more worrying) about how thin we were going to be spread. Mentally, it was a lot to handle.
Now, we’re 3.5 months in. One thing that really stuck with me was how many people warned us that it would take three months to settle in. Seasoned mothers of multiples would tell me “it’s crazy at first, but it gets easier. You will find your groove.” Well, they weren’t wrong. As the days go on, it’s been getting a bit easier and easier. Sasha is starting to sleep better, both during nap time and throughout the night, which as we know, makes all of the difference. But to be fair, even when we bought her home, I was pleasantly surprised at how much the feeling of “okay, I’ve got this…” took over. Personally, I found the transition from 0-1 harder than 1-2. It wasn’t as much of a shock to the system and our lives were already in parenting mode. We were already getting up super early, attending birthday parties on the weekends and constantly stepping over toys. Bringing a new baby home did not feel like “oh my goodness. our lives have changed so much!” In fact, she just added to the beautiful, craziness that it currently is. Don’t get me wrong. Some days are complete madness and I know that as soon as she starts walking, it will be a different ball game, but we are taking it one day at a time.
What I know for sure is that the three factors that made a huge difference for us:
Having some help lined up. With Nate, we didn’t really have help until 5-6 months in and I foolishly thought I’d able to handle working from home and a newborn baby. HA! Yea right. Sure, I was able to squeeze in a few things when he was napping, but it was always with this lingering feeling of “okay, he’s about to wake up..” I could never really relax or get into a work groove. With the second, I went into it knowing what it would take to keep us all sane and happy. Keith works incredibly long and late hours, so I made sure to have some help in the evening hours. There are plenty of days and nights where I do it all alone, including putting two kids to bed, on top of managing my site and projects, but it’s not all the time. When I do, I’m not feeling resentful or burned out from handling it, day in and day out. We have the same incredible nanny that we had with Nate (found her through friends) and she comes a couple of days a week. I have a great mix of being able to spend quality time with Sasha while Nate is in school, but I’m also able to get some work done. Basically, it’s important knowing what will work for your family! Juggling more than one child still takes a lot of balance and patience, so if you’re able to outsource in any way, I do recommend it. If it’s financially beyond your means, even getting a mothers helper to help with your older one? Anything helps!
Having Nate be a bit older. I imagine that when you have two younger children, it’s a wild time. I cannot speak from personal experience, but just from speaking to fellow moms. I don’t say that to scare anyone who might be experiencing that soon, but more to give credit where credit is due. Every experience is different and me saying “it was a lot easier than I expected” has a lot to do with Nate’s age. He’s handled this transition like such a champ. I’m able to leave him to play with his toys or watch a little cartoon while I tend to his little sister. I’m not worried about him getting into everything and me having to watch over him like a hawk, on top of a new baby. He’s also been a huge reason as to why the transition has been smoother than I thought. The way he has taken to his new role has blown me away! He wants to help, there is little jealousy and he seems genuinely excited to have her be a part of our family. This morning, as we were getting ready for school, he said to me: “I’m excited for Sasha to be a little older so we could play together..” My heart burst into a million pieces.
Knowing that it will all be okay. The first time around, there was so much unknown. We had such fear over the thought of raising a human being, on top of how much our lives where about to change. This time around, I’ve felt so much more relaxed in the grand scheme of everything. I’m aware that the hard phases will pass. In fact, they’ll pass so quickly, I probably won’t have time to blink. We all hear, over and over and over again, how quickly children grow up. Well, it’s true. This time around, I’m finding myself really letting go of the little things and really trying to embrace this beautiful phase in our lives, crazy and all.
The tricky parts:
Now, I don’t want to completely sugarcoat everything. There are moments that are a lot tricker. For example, a few minutes ago, when I was getting Nate ready and simultaneously, trying to put Sasha down for a nap. I asked Nate to stay downstairs with Keith while I went upstairs with her. As soon as I put her down, drowsy and about to fall asleep, he marches into the room telling me he wants to help and of course, wakes her right up. F@!k me.
On the nights when I’m handling both myself, I have yet to figure out what works best. We just started falling into a groove with her, so it’s requires a very specific nighttime routine to set the future path for success. Again, the other night I tried to put her to sleep while Nate was playing legos and he comes into the room “wanting to help..” Sweet, but completely throwing me off my groove. In those situations, I’ve found myself snapping at Nate and asking him “to please work with me!” Certainly not my finest moments, but it happens to the best of us.
Being Extra Cautious. A couple of days ago, I caught Nate trying to stick a lego in his sisters mouth while she was hanging in her swing. I freaked out and tried to reiterate, over and over again, how dangerous and unacceptable something like that was. Nate is such a smart boy, but I also had to remind myself that as smart as he is, he’s still a little kid. I realized that if I have to go to the bathroom, I’m better off taking Sasha with me. I do think I drilled the message home, it’s just not worth it. I often think about when she starts crawling and all of his little legos everywhere. That’s another bridge we’ll cross when we get to it, but they’re definitely not fears we had the first time around.
Getting Out the Door. Oh man. I thought getting out the door with just one was tricky. Now, I need to start prepping hours before. And if I’m trying to look put together on top of it? Forget it. I have to start planning the night before. Even on those days when I generously pad when I think we’re going to leave, it’s always an hour more than that. There’s a diaper to be changed, a feeding that needs to take place, a toddler meltdown to put out, some dry shampoo to spray in, snacks that need to be packed. Even with proper planning, there’s always something. I’m hoping this part gets easier and it probably will, but for now, this is the reality.
It’s a beautiful mess.
All in all, there’s a lot of crazy. Our lives are completely chaotic, but the transition has been so much better than I could have imagined.
What was your experience like? Please share!
Other posts you may enjoy: Helpful tips when transitioning from 1-2 & My fears from going from 1-2.
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