Last week, as some of you may have seen, I asked the question “in what ways are you different now than before quarantine and Covid?”
The answers truly blew me away because of how raw and honest they were. If you missed it and are interested in some of the responses, I saved a highlight to my stories titled “Covid Changes.” I wanted a better title but Instagram only allows a certain number of characters.
After reading all of your answers, I felt it was only fair that I shared mine. There’s no doubt that this year has been my most difficult one yet. On top of covid, I lost my father, so yea…. I’ve been unpacking a lot.
I’m continuing to learn a lot about myself and what I need and don’t need to be genuinely happy.
Socially & Personally:
As I get older, I love being home. I love being with my family and I love being in a home that feels, I don’t know… homey? I always like to set the mood by playing my favorite jazz playlists and with lighting that feels warm. At one point, Keith purchased some plant lightbulbs (don’t ask) that felt like they were out of a psych ward and it genuinely affected my mood. My surroundings have such an impact on how I feel and even something as trivial as the wrong light bulb shade trigger me to not feel comfortable or content. Even when I’m renting a random Airbnb, I started emailing the home owner to inquire about the lighting situation. I don’t even mean natural light because obviously a lot of light is always ideal, but even having enough lamps and overhead light to feel bright and cheery. It sounds crazy, but it’s very important to me. I can also admit and it’s probably no surprise that home aesthetics really matter to me.
With that being said, what I knew to be true, has been confirmed over the last few months. As much as I like being home, I need a social life. I am definitely not content just sitting around home, day after day, wearing nothing but loungewear. I need an excuse to get out, to get dressed up and to see people other than my family. I need quality friend time (and alone time) as much as I need family time. A true libra in the sense that I thrive off a balance. I love intimate get togethers over dinner and wine and meaningful conversations. If I don’t get enough of that, I start becoming very aggravated. When I was reading all of your responses, many of you mentioned that you found you were more content with being home than you thought you’d be. In fact, many mentioned they enjoyed it and didn’t crave being out and about and maintaining a social life.
I found the complete opposite to be true. I’m an ambivert and am not fully content just being home. I really need both to be happy. Now that we’re seeing people a bit more, I make it a point to have plans at least once a week.
Mentally
I’ve definitely been way more anxious and snappy than normal and I am not proud of it. I often end up feeling guilty, especially if my patience is wearing thin with my family. It’s really the main reason that I’ll muter to myself “wow, I need to get some movement in or some fresh air…” It’s what helps me feel better and what makes me be a more patient mother and wife. At one point, I was talking to my therapist (who I started talking to after my father passed away) and she said “just remember and I always have to say it, there’s always medication and there’s nothing wrong with that.” Right now, working out, getting some fresh air and a glass of wine seems to be doing the trick, but there are some days where I have to remind myself to breathe.
Maintenance
While I’ve been wearing a lot less makeup than I ever have, I’ve realized that I enjoy “the maintenance” of taking care of myself. I don’t like to have unpainted nails (even though it happens), even if I’m just hanging around the house. I’m always walking around with a hair mask or face mask or some sort of odd contraption like an LED Mask. It makes me feel like I’m in control of something and it adds to my overall “mental well being..” I’m happiest when I feel put together and it’s something I do for no one other than myself (maybe a little for Keith). Call me shallow, but it is what it is.
Physically
The one thing is for sure is that quarantine has been good for me on a fitness level. I’ve always worked out, but never consistently. Since quarantine happened, I’ve been doing some sort of physical activity at least 4x a week. Even if it’s just for 20 minutes. Right now it’s a combination of Peloton and Melissa Wood Health. In the past, I may have worked out for aesthetics, but these days, it’s way more for my health, sanity and mental well being.
Alcohol
I always loved a cocktail or a glass of wine, but admittedly, like many of you, I’ve been consuming way more since Covid. Now that things are not as crazy as they were in the early months, it’s less, but if many of you have admitted this, I’m right there with you.
New York City
This has been one of the most difficult ones for me. Currently, New York is not the city it was pre-covid and that’s dealing with another level of grief. It feels slightly weird and unfamiliar and there’s this weird energy in the air. I’m fortunate that where I live, it feels normal (considering the circumstances) and I really do love it. However, the island of Manhattan itself – well, that’s a different story. Lately, I’ve found myself hypothetically fantasizing about what it would be like to live elsewhere. Somewhere a bit more peaceful, with a lot more space. The thing is, I don’t know where. I also fear that I wouldn’t be as happy, but who knows, maybe I actually would? I really don’t know, but this pandemic has made me question so many things, including what our future holds. With all this being said, I am just thinking out loud and we have zero plans to move. The fact that I just said that “out loud” feels crazy.
For those of you who didn’t reply to my stories and wish to share here (obviously, it won’t be as anonymous), what have you realized about yourself or your life since quarantine and Covid?
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