Back in September of 2020, I wrote this post about my feelings towards New York. Everything still holds true, but I’d be lying if I said my brain wasn’t all over the place. We’re almost one full year into this pandemic (HOW!) and it’s been one crazy, emotional rollercoaster. I wrote the below as a stream of consciousness and initially thought, “How could I publish something quite contradictory to what I linked above?” But it’s simply me being honest about some of the thoughts that have been running through my mind.
I felt that needed to be said before I shared the below.
Since March of 2020, I know of about 19 people that have moved out of New York. 19! That’s a lot of people.
From that total count, 5 have moved from New York City to nearby surrounding parts like Connecticut, New Jersey and Long Island. The rest moved to Florida (so many to Florida,) Nashville, Charleston, Austin and other various Southern spots. Of the people that have moved farther away, the majority of them were not originally from NYC, so I get it. If Keith and I weren’t originally from here, we’d probably be doing the same.
But our families and most of our closest friends are still here, at least for now. My love for New York City aside, that’s the major thing.
As two people with no current plans to leave (who knows what will happen in the future,) it’s been a very bittersweet thing to witness. On one hand you’re excited for your friends, even if they’re social media friends, and this new chapter that they’re beginning. On the other hand, you feel like everyone is slowly slipping away. There’ve been times when I felt like I was back in High School, finding out what college everyone was about to go off to. With some, I don’t necessarily care one way or another. I know they’re leaving and it’s something I take note of, but I’m not overly emotional about it. And then there are those whose decision to move makes you feel like you’re mourning a pretty big loss.
For example, I knew Keiko & Bobby (her boyfriend) had plans to move back to Florida eventually. They’re from there and their entire family, whom they’re incredibly close with, all live there. It was only a matter of time but like for most people, the pandemic sped things up. Even while I haven’t seen her in well over a year (we had plans during the week of the shutdown, which never ended up happening,) I get sad thinking about them no longer a drive away. In the past year, so much has changed and I often have a hard time wrapping my head around all of it. How did our life change so drastically in less than a year? HOW?
I’ve always been a daydreamer by nature and I often find my thoughts wandering off. I think, “Should we also be involved in a big new, grand chapter?” & “Is this the time?” These thoughts never really crossed my mind before but like everyone else, COVID has made my mind go to places it has never gone before.
I’ll find myself wondering if we’re doing our children a disservice by not living in a home with a large, sprawling backyard (ours is a smallish, yet charming Brooklyn backyard.) Or if not a backyard, a place where the weather is less harsh for almost half the year. Witnessing all of these moves as a 3rd party observer, particularly to places with a lot more space or warmer weather (even though I absolutely love climates of seasonal change,) has made me question whether we should be doing the same?! Whether I actually feel this way or if it’s because “Everyone else is doing it,” – I’m not entirely sure. If I were to guess, it would be the latter but again, who the hell knows.
This past year has bought a deep sense of mourning over the City that we had just one year ago. We’ve witnessed restaurants, where many of us made countless memories, close down indefinitely. We’ve witnessed friends move away. We’ve seen people lose their jobs. Here in New York, we’ve seen the rise of homeless and the rise of trash on the streets. It’s been a very heavy year, to say the least.
Yet, I don’t know if I’d be truly happy elsewhere. It’s not to say I wouldn’t eventually make the move to the ‘burbs’ because who knows, that may happen down the road. But I wonder if making a big, grand move to somewhere else, outside of New York, is in my future or not?
Realistically, our goal is to stay put (at least for awhile) and to have a home in the country. It’s something we’ve been trying to do but with everyone fleeing the city, those homes are getting harder and harder to come by. Seriously, how do so many people have FULL cash down payments/offers?! If we had a place that was filled with nature, additional space and a bit more serenity, coming back to the city would be the balance we all need. These days, when we spend a couple of days in the country, we realize just how much our family needs that.
All this to say is that my brain is kind of all over the place. What’s the right decision? Again, I’m not entirely sure. One day I feel one way and the next, I feel another.
How about you? In the past year, have you made a big life decision or move?
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