12 Tips on Solo Parenting

 

There are some weeks that Keith works such an intense schedule, that a lot of the parental responsibility fall on my shoulders.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and pretend that we don’t have help. We have a nanny three times a week – one we would not survive without. Yet, even with the extra help, there are some days, mainly when Keith’s knee deep in a project, I feel like the parental/work/everything else load is a major juggling act. It takes practice, skill and trial and error to really make it out feeling like you’re winning at life.

When I shared the above picture of my kids and I at a restaurant together, I got a few comments like “Oh! I’ve never taken both of my kids to a restaurant without my partner. The thought stresses me out..”  For us, it’s something we’ve been doing since Sasha was a baby. Sure, at first it was a bit stressful, but with anything, the more we did it, the easier it became. In fact, it’s something I’ve started to look forward to. We’re able to spend quality time together and having fed kids means it’s a few less things I have to do.

It also made me think how as parents, we all have our strengths. While I don’t mind being a little more spontaneous and going with the flow in many cases, I’m not the most organized parent my nature.

It was also that photo that prompted someone to message me the below and to start this conversation.

When I turned to this incredibly community on Instagram stories and asked what tips you had at solo parenting. There were so many great answers! I’m sharing the one that really resonated with me:

Don’t tell Yourself it’s going to Suck

I mean, this could really apply to anything in life! How many times have we went into a parental situation and started thinking negatively right off-the-bat. It rarely accomplishes anything and does more harm than good. I’ve started to really go into situations thinking (and actually saying to myself): “this is going to be great!” or “how lucky am I to have this experience…”  It helps!

A Loose Schedule

One common thread is that a schedule of some sort is key. For some, it might be a bit more structured and for others, like myself, it’s a little looser. One thing for sure, a schedule helps everyone know what to expect and helps minimize meltdowns. Till this day, I have to give Nate countdowns and preparation for almost everything: “fifteen more minutes at the park!” or “TV for ten more minutes and then we’re going to eat dinner..”  I also will use Alexa to help with the alarm and timer so he know’s it’s not just me.  Someone also mentioned that they always tell their kids the steps of what they’re doing and that seems to help a lot.

Prepare the Night Before

To piggyback off the above, while I’m not a type-A over planner, I admit that when I plan and prep, it’s a smoother ride for all of us. Right now, the night before I minimally prep the coffee machine, Nate’s lunch (most of it) and I lay out his clothes. On the mornings that I don’t, I’m a hot mess. I’m crankier and snappier and my energy trickles down to everyone in the house.

Expect Less

Someone mentioned that solo parenting doesn’t have to be perfect. Just enjoy the crazy, the messiness and know that you’re making special memories.

Lower the Bar

One mom mentioning serving PB&J’s for dinner on a blanket and calling it a picnic. Absolutely love this idea!

Pick Your Battles

“When I stopped trying to control everything, I felt more calm..”

A Calm Voice is Always Needed

This one really resonated with me. There have been instances where I’ve really lost my shit. I’d scream, yell and in the end, none of us feel good from it. If anything, on the occasions where that would happen, Nate would also end up screaming out in frustration and as a result, Sasha would start crying. A complete mess all around. Of course, all of this is easier said than done. Taking a solid deep breath when I’m at my wits end has helped. In those moments where I want to snap, I breathe in and say to myself “freaking out right now will cause more harm than good”  It doesn’t always work, but with practice, it does. In those instances where I don’t know what to do, I walk away for a minute, take a few deep breaths, give myself a pep talk and then approach the situation with a little more control of my emotions.

“When I’m about to lose my shit, I breathe and count to three. It usually works.” 

To echo the above again.

“Remembering it’s more my issue than theirs. My anxiety, my limitations. Kids are adaptable” 

Whenever I’m in a new situation, I’m always reminded at just how adaptable kids are. As parents, we often forget that it’s often us causing the unnecessary stress.

CBD Helps. 

A few people mentioned CBD and I really have to agree. I recently started incorporating CBD (Equilibria) into my life after I found my anxiety to start bubbling and this really helps take the edge off.

Dance Parties

“Telling Alexa to blast a favorite song and dancing kills so much energy and it’s fun!” This is so true. We’ve had meltdown situations with Nate and whenever we dance it out, we end up having more laugh than tears.

“Get over the shame of takeout dinner and screen time and take the pressure off.”  

Thoughts on these? Please feel free to add in the comments!