A Motherhood Realization

The other night, after Sasha fell asleep (my kids share a room), I lay in Nate’s bed while we quietly chatted about his day. Nate doesn’t often tell us much, but when he does, it’s right at bedtime, when we both have no other distractions. During our conversation, he asked me if our nanny, who we have about 3x a week, was coming tomorrow.

Me: “She is. Why do you ask?” 

Nate: “Well, I love when she comes because she plays with me. You don’t really play with me…” 

Immediately, my brain went into defensive mode. I was so caught off guard and this instantly felt like a huge mom fail. Here I am preparing daily lunches with cute handwritten notes, continuously hugging and kissing him, planning activities outside of school, preparing after-school snacks and dinners and the list goes on.

In my head my reaction was “BUT I DO SO MUCH ELSE!!” 

If only it were that simple. The truth is, he’s not wrong. I started explaining (defending?) all of the ways mommy shows her love. Explaining how people show their love and care in different ways. After all, as a rational adult, I fully believe that, but I’m talking to a 6 year old.

I also follow enough child doctors and psychologists to know that often, our children just want us to get on their level, even if it’s for a few minutes a day.

I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt to hear. It was the first time he really expressed that and I was reminded that it’s so much more than making sure he’s fed, dressed cared for and healthy. Our children simply want us to get on their level and spend time with them.

Keith is way better at that than I am. Not to generalize, but I will for a second. I do think men are better at that than woman are, at least in my case.

I know that I’ll never be that mom that enjoys building a lego or playing cars, but I love a good game, cards and puzzles. The next morning, we woke up and played Monopoly Jr. (with Keith) for 30 minutes and while we had to get into many “you can’t always win” conversations, that’s a topic for another day.  Later on, I ordered a few games like Guess Who, UNO and Mexican Train Dominoes. I can do games! In fact, it was a different type of bonding experience that I realized we were missing.

It was an eye opening conversation for me; I’m sure the first of many. It was also a huge reminder that when the people close to us express what they need, to simply listen. Of course, easier said than done.